September 2004
Randall
F. More, P. Eng.
COMMENTARIES on MARITAL
UNFAITHFULNESS
1. The foundation of marital faithfulness is love,
honour, respect, purity, honesty, commitment, genuineness, trust, openness, and
integrity. Marital unfaithfulness and adultery represent the ultimate betrayal
and violation of all that is pure and right, virtuous and lovely, genuine and
faithful. Within a marriage, there is no issue or problem that is too big that
cannot be overcome through faithfulness. Faithfulness involves being there to
share in each struggle or trial and to come out with a stronger and better
marriage. There is very little hope for any marriage in which adultery or
divorce are even considered as solutions to marital difficulties. There is no
lasting peace or joy for anyone who embarks on the path of adultery.
2. "For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So
they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let
man not separate" (Matthew 19:5-6 NIV).
3. Real and genuine love is a decision and a
commitment, not a feeling or emotion. Adultery becomes a bankrupt option for a
troubled marriage resulting when there is no genuine commitment. During tough
times within the marriage, the vow of faithfulness is designed and is essential
for ensuring that the relationship is sealed for permanence.
4. "The heart of any good marriage is
commitment. The love then flows out of the commitment. The commitment comes
first. A good marriage starts with a rock solid foundation of honesty and
integrity between two people. Unfaithfulness is called adultery and yet
unfaithfulness takes place in terms of the honesty between one another long
before any sexual act destroys the marriage. If you are in a marriage and not
speaking the truth to one another, if you're not honest with one another, you
cannot ever hope to have intimacy, and communication will be a word which is
not even in your vocabulary. We are to speak the truth lovingly, in love and
grace." ("The Good Ship Matrimony Sails on Three C's" - Turning
Point - Dr. David Jeremiah)
5. God's Word, the Bible says, "You shall not
commit adultery. You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet
your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or
anything that belongs to your neighbor" (Exodus 20:14,17 NIV). Even
without God's Word and His commandments, one knows in his heart, mind, and
conscience that stealing and murder are wrong and there will be consequences. The
adulterer, however, convinces himself, even against his own conscience, that
adultery is okay and that coveting someone else's spouse is okay. Coveting,
like adultery, is a violation of God's commandment and it puts one in a most
dangerous place.
6. "Something has gone wrong in us, very wrong
indeed. So wrong that we have to be told that joy is not found in having
another man's wife." ("The Journey of Desire" - John Eldredge)
7. Adultery attempts to make a mockery of God, His
instructions, His provisions, and His commandments. In doing so, and in
despising what God has said, one must live with the consequences of adultery,
some of which are very serious and some of which are lifelong. No one breaks
God's laws and comes away unscathed. When we break our covenant with God and
with our spouse, we deem their love and respect expendable for the sake of
fulfilling our own desires. Judgment for immorality comes in a multiplicity of
ways, but it always comes. (portions from "Sex... According to God" -
Kay Arthur)
8. "The marriage covenant is a solemn binding
agreement, never to be broken. In the covenant relationship the two are to be
bound to protect and defend one another until death. So solemn is the
arrangement that God becomes the sovereign administrator ensuring that it is
fulfilled, and if not, to defend the violated one and deal out retribution
against the violator." ("Sex... According to God" - Kay Arthur)
9. "When you have sex with a person to whom you
are not married, you are defrauding yourself and that person. Sex outside
marriage is one of the most self-centred acts that you can participate in. You
are asking, cajoling, persuading, coercing, or forcing another person to sin
against God and themselves. This is an abomination. The adulteress on the hunt
is not a myth; sadly she trades in seduction every day, leading young men to
their destruction." ("Sex... According to God" - Kay Arthur)
10. "If a man commits adultery with another man's
wife - with the wife of his neighbor - both the adulterer and the adulteress
must be put to death" (Leviticus 20:10 NIV). "If a man is
found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the
woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel" (Deuteronomy 22:22
NIV). Death, in the Old Testament, seems like a rather extreme punishment
for adultery. Why was God's judgment so severe? God did not hate the adulterer
or the adulteress but He hated the sin and desired foremost to purge the evil
from the nation. Still, today, sex outside of marriage will be judged in His
way and in His time. God never abdicates His throne. God still hates what He
has always hated. (portions from "Sex... According to God" - Kay
Arthur)
11. "The Law tells us that to desire another
person's mate or to have sex with a married person is a transgression of God's
commandments." ("Sex... According to God" - Kay Arthur) "Do
not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers... nor the
covetous... shall inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10 NASB).
12. Jesus tells us that there is only one reason for
which divorce would be permitted. “But I tell
you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her
the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits
adultery” (Matthew 5:32 NIV).
13. "But the things that come out of the mouth
come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come
evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony,
slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'" (Matthew 15:18-20 NIV).
14. "What comes out of a man is what makes him
'unclean.' For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual
immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy,
slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man
'unclean'" (Mark 7:20-23 NIV).
15. God's plan for our lives is always better than our
own plan. One of His foremost commands is that we do not
destroy our marriage covenant for which He is a witness. “…the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife
of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your
companion and your wife by covenant” (Malachi 2:15 NASB). Adultery
is never part of God's plan for us under any circumstance.
16. Divorce is an abomination to Him. God's
perspective on divorce is quite clear. God says, "For I hate divorce"
(Malachi 2:16 NASB).
17. Man rationalizes his reason for divorce but God
tells us that there is only reason for divorce and that is, "Because of
your hardness of heart" (Matthew 19:8 NASB). There is no difficulty
within any marriage that cannot be overcome with genuine love and commitment
unless a person’s heart becomes too hardened by his own pride and selfishness.
18. "Divorce leaves a devastating aftermath. Divorce
is often sinful, usually ruinous, and always tragic. Divorce does not solve
problems, it evades them. It often creates more difficulties of its own.
Clearly, we should solemnly proclaim the serious consequences of marital
betrayal." ("Readings in Christian Ethics" - David K. Clark,
Robert V. Rakestraw)
19. "God's purposes in marriage are thwarted by
unfaithfulness." ("Biblical Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage"
- Charles C. Ryie)
20. "Divorce is to be avoided at all costs.
Divorce is wrong because it violates a covenant of permanent love made before
God to another person made in God's image. A tough marriage is not an excuse to
bail out. The summons of His kingdom is to be servants, to lay down our own
desire and to seek reconciliation and healing, not just repressed hostility, in
our marriages. Jesus demands that we make our marriages work. Jesus' message to
everyone is plain enough: to those contemplating divorce, don't."
("Final Words" - Craig S. Keener)
21. "God loves people so much that He made a list
of restrictions to protect us from things that would destroy our lives. The
consequences of adultery roll on and on, growing in their destructive intensity
and affecting generation after generation. Why should purity and faithfulness
in marriage be so important to God? Because He ordained the home to visibly
model His love. With adultery, you find yourself thinking about what you want,
what you 'need' and what by all 'rights' you should have. When God says to
honour His Word, we need to remember that He has watched countless people walk
across this planet. He has watched the pain and trouble that have come from
every violation of this seventh commandment." ("Right with God"
- Ron Mehl)
22. Adultery is the most selfish and self-centred act
ever perpetrated by mankind. One who justifies adultery can justify anything.
If adulterers first had to experience the same pain and devastation that they
cause their spouses, there would be no adultery. Adultery is ultimately rooted
in and born out of selfishness.
23. "Do you not know that he who unites himself
with a prostitute is one with her body? Flee from sexual immorality" (I
Corinthians 6:16,18 NIV). Sex outside the marriage relationship always
hurts someone. It hurts others because it violates the commitment so necessary
to a relationship. It hurts God because it shows that we prefer following our
own desires instead of God's desire for our lives.
24. King David sinned in his adultery with Bathsheba
and although he repented and sought forgiveness, he would regret his sin for
the remainder of his life. David thought that no one would know his sin but God
knows and David would have to pay the penalty for his willful disobedience.
God's judgment was fourfold: the sword would never depart from David's house
(four of his sons would die and there would always be war and destruction),
there would be rebellion and calamity in his house (one of his sons would rape
his daughter and other tragedies), his wives would commit adultery in broad
daylight for the world to see, and his child from the adulterous relationship
would die. God forgives, even adultery, but His forgiveness will not obliterate
the earthly consequences and sadly, the repercussions aren't always limited
just to the offender. Adultery sets into motion events with irreversible consequences.
(portions from "Sex... According to God" - Kay Arthur and II Samuel
12 commentary)
25. "Sin is always born in a damp, chilly heart.
The law of God is crystal clear about sexual involvement with someone who is
married. It is adultery and it is wrong. There is no such thing as hidden sin.
David thought his sin was hidden, but it came out. All sin will. If it does not
come out in this life, it certainly will in the life to come. God is committed
to setting sin in the full glare of light. Evil acts always lead to evil
consequences. Sin never leaves us where it finds us. It always brings misery
and woe. David's sin is one of the saddest tragedies recorded for us in the
Word of God. David had engaged in a blatant orgy of self. He had put the
gratification of his flesh on the throne of his life and had callously trampled
on everyone else. Sin always has painful consequences. Sin always promises us
that we can enjoy its pleasures and avoid its consequences. But it never works
out that way. As David's life abundantly shows, there are instances in which we
bring suffering upon ourselves through disobedience. Sin brings heartache and
ruin." ("The Shepherd King" - Roger Ellsworth)
26. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the
marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually
immoral" (Hebrews 13:4 NIV). "No man transgress and defraud
his brother in the matter (of sexual immorality) because the Lord is the
avenger in all these things" (I Thessalonians 4:6 NIV). God is the
One who ensures that judgment for sexual immorality is rendered.
27. "We also know that the law is made not for
the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful... for
murderers, for adulterers and perverts... and for whatever else is contrary to
the sound doctrine" (I Timothy 1:9-10 NIV).
28. "The mouth of an adulteress is a deep pit; he
who is under the Lord's wrath will fall into it" (Proverbs 22:14 NIV).
29. "Let us behave decently, as in the daytime,
not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in
dissension and jealousy" (Romans 13:13 NIV). Just as hatred leads
to murder, so jealousy leads to strife, and lust to adultery. (Romans 13
commentary)
30. "You must not associate with anyone who calls
himself a brother, but is sexually immoral" (I Corinthians 5:11 NIV).
31. Drunkenness in the Bible is almost always
associated with lewdness and sexual immorality.
32. "Sexual behavior is moral only when it is
holy. According to God's plan, sexual intimacy is the exclusive prerogative of
husband and wife within the context of marriage. Our sex lives are moral only
when conducted according to God's standards. Concepts of sexual morality
founded upon anything other than God's holiness always pervert God's standards
of sexual moral purity. God's standard is moral purity in every thought about
sex, as well as in every act of sex. God's standards for sexual moral purity
are meant to protect human happiness. Divorce is never God's ideal; lifelong
commitment should always be the Christian goal. Divorce for reasons of
dissatisfaction, difficulty, or disappointment is never morally justified. Sex
outside of marriage is never moral. The moral corruption of sexual sin can be
fully forgiven through repentance and faith in Christ's atoning work but
physical and psychological scars caused by sexual sin cannot always be erased
in this life." ("The Colorado Statement On Biblical Morality")
33. "Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked
men. It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her
seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant
she made before God. For her house leads down to death and her paths to the
spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of
life" (Proverbs 2:12,16-19 NIV).
34. Pride appeals to the empty mind which says,
"I deserve it." Sexual immorality appeals to the empty heart which
says, "I need it." Adultery appeals to both an empty mind and an
empty heart which say, "I deserve it, I need it, and I don't care who gets
hurt in the process." (Proverbs 2 commentary)
35. "My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of
insight that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge.
For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go
down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to
the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.... Keep a path
far from her, do not go near the door of her house.... May your fountain be
blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth... Why be captivated, my
son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? For a man's
ways are in full view of the Lord, and He examines all his paths. The evil
deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will
die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly" (Proverbs
5:1-8,18,20-23 NIV).
36. "The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet,
her soft words are oh so smooth. But it won't be long before she's gravel in
your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart. She's dancing down the
primrose path to Death; she's headed straight to Hell and taking you with her.
She hasn't a clue about Real Life, about who she is or where she's going"
(Proverbs 5 MSG).
37. Proverbs 5 tells us that "the adulteress is
not a thinking woman. She lives for the present or is entangled by her past.
She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways are unstable and she does not
even know it." ("Sex... According to God" - Kay Arthur)
38. "Adultery is a brainless act,
soul-destroying, self destructive" (Proverbs 6 MSG).
39. "For these commands are a lamp, this teaching
is a light... keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the
wayward wife. Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate
you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the
adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without
his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being
scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her
will go unpunished. But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does
so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never
be wiped away; for jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy
when he takes revenge. He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the
bribe, however great it is" (Proverbs 6:23-29,32-35 NIV).
40. "My son, keep my words and store up my
commands within you... They will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward
wife with her seductive words... Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed
like a prostitute and with crafty intent. 'So I came out to meet you; I looked
for you and have found you! I have covered my bed with linens from Egypt. Come
let's drink deep love till morning; let's enjoy ourselves with love! My husband
is not at home; he has gone on a long journey... and will not be home till full
moon.' With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her
smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter,
like deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird
darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Now then, my
sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart turn to
her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading
down to the chambers of death" (Proverbs 7:1,5,10,15-16,19,21-27 NIV).
41. God, through King Solomon, the wisest person who
ever lived, cautions us to stay away from the adulteress and from the immoral
and illicit relationship. It only leads to heartache for all. “I find more
bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose
hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she
will ensnare” (Ecclesiastes 7:26 NIV).
